Okay, so I don’t know what it’s like to be in a war zone and I’ve never had a kick-down-drag-out fight with my fists but I hate fighting. In my experience the worst part about fighting is when things get heated and words are said and the next thing you know you’re hearing the door slam just before the car starts up and squeals away.
I can’t explain what it is that puts me into the fetal position when I’m on the receiving end of this part of a fight, but something does. I feel almost paralyzed with the fear of the person I’m fighting with (whom I usually have great feelings of love for) that they will leave me forever. My brain that sometimes still sounds sick, tells me that I’ll end up alone because no one would ever want to stay with me forever. The thinking is irrational and I know it but sometimes it takes a while for that realization surface in order to squelch that fear. In the meantime I am left, angry, full of fear and without anyone to reassure me that my mind is lying to me.
