I went to a 7:30am meeting this morning and we read & discussed Tradition Eleven;
“Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.”
One really interesting point was made: The 12 Steps are for enhancing the lives of sober alcoholics and the 12 Traditions are meant to protect “the group.”
It was an interesting point. It’s not an easy thing for new comers to quite understand when they first get into the program, the whole anonymity thing can be confusing. But there are things that should be addressed in relation to not putting AA in the public spotlight.
I think that when we first get sober, we’re amazed at how great we are feeling, physically and mentally, and it’s as if we want everyone we know and love (or run into at the grocery store) to maybe somehow get a little of our joy. We want the best for them, too. It doesn’t mean that you think someone’s an alcoholic when you share your story with them, but I’m not sure everyone knows that and may interpret your professing the benefits of a sober life as a side-ways way of saying, “ya know, you could do this, too.” That could put people off and that’s part of why we need to keep AA out of the lime light, it’s working for us, but let’s face it, not everybody in the world who drinks alcohol has a problem with it. Much to my dismay, I know several people who can drink, sometimes heavily, but they aren’t alcoholics. When we make a change in our lives as drastic as ending our drinking patterns, it almost puts others around us in a position where they, too, take a look at their own behaviors. Maybe they’re struggling, too? Who knows? But AA works, and has worked for more than 70 years, just fine without my having to make a public service announcement.
Another point that was made was something I’ve thought for some time now; a gentleman said, he feels badly for the struggling actors, actresses and singers who are in and out of rehab and get sober, then relapse. They’re certainly no different than the rest of us; who almost 80% will relapse, and yet, every step they take, is followed, hounded, reported and more often than not, photographed. They are not giving AA a bad name, they’re just being human, like all the rest of us who have been sober for a while. Sobriety is tough and it must be extra difficult for those poor people who have their every move recorded for prosperity (or just a sale).
When I was first coming around, back in 1999, my kids were really young and because I didn’t have day care, I’d have them with me at many, many meetings. Open meetings, of course. When I would get a chip for a length of sobriety, the kids would take it from me and decorate it with little stickers. Sure enough, one day, my precious little girl proudly displayed my 90 day accomplishment to all of the staff of the elementary school she was attending. My face was a little red, then I realized that she did that because she was PROUD of me, and I walked with my head held high and that tiny, little hand in mine.
Anonimity is about ME telling someone else who was at a meeting, what they said, what they were wearing, etc. Someone else’s recovery is not my business and I keep that in mind when I’m in mixed company.
Here’s a good tip: When you are with someone who is not in the program, and you realize that you each have a common friend, or associate, and YOU know that person attends AA; when they ask how you know one another, don’t panic! Simply say, “We met at a church,” or, “We have quite a few mutual friends.” Keep in mind, that the person you’re speaking with is not looking to “out” anybody and they’re probably not paying too much attention to your answer, anyway.
My ex-husband used to giggle when we would be at the grocery store and we would pass someone in the aisle that he clearly didn’t know, and he’d whisper, “Do you guys have a secret handshake?” My favorite was, “Who IS that?” And my reply was, “Well dear, I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.” He got the message.
